Saturday, January 14, 2012

Stop and smell the roses.

This post is dedicated solely to venting. You all should know by now, that this happens at LEAST every 6 months or so... I have had so much on my mind, and hopefully writing it down will help me clear my thoughts a little. And ADVICE is always NEEDED.

An {optimistic} person is what I once would have used to describe myself. But as of late, not so much. I feel like I am always down on myself, and pretty much ASKING for the worst with this horrible attitude. I've been trying to stop the negative thoughts, but it's like it has totally taken me over. I would say this mostly applies to school, and all that goes with it. If I take a test, I say I probably failed. If I apply for a program, I say I probably can't do it. If I have homework, I say I can't get it all done. Seriously. I'm nuts. Most likely this is insecurity. School has never came easy to me, and I would say it's the 1 place I lack total confidence in myself.Especially now that I have applied and been accepted in to the Ultrasound program through Weber. I am excited, but the 23% pass rate freaks me out just a little. Thank goodness for Dustin. As cliche as it is, he's my rock. He not only tells me I can do things, but he has reasons to back it up. Like, instances in the past where I may have done great on a test, and he brings it up to give me confidence on the current one. Truly, I probably would have assumed I wasn't good/smart enough for this field and given up if it weren't for him. Him, and Jaiya. I WANT to prove myself to me, to Dustin, but mostly to Jaiya. I know she doesn't understand now, but I want her to place school high on her priorities and reach for her dreams.

I have read books, watched shows, looked at the Internet, and so on for things that would help with my anxiety/stress/negativity. So, I now UNDERSTAND my weirdo mind, but need to get a grip on it. Yesterday, on Dr.Phil, (ha ha, laugh it up) Dr. Phil told a girl who was accusing a website of ruining her life, that her catastrophic words to herself was what was ruining her life, not the actual circumstance. He was basically saying that when you say catastrophic things about something, you will react catastrophically about it, and therefore, the instance does become a catastrophe. Wow, that hit like a ton of bricks. That's totally what I am doing. With boards coming up on a couple months, and being worried about finding a job, I have said some pretty catastrophic things to myself. Therefore, when something does happen, I go off the deep end. Blah blah blah, I know.

Does anyone else feel overwhelmed and in over their head sometimes? Or am I the only one? I guess going out of your comfort zone is scary, but...my new goal is to say positive things to myself instead of the worst things that I can possibly think of. If I look at the whole picture, I have done very well in the Radiology program. I have made the Honor's list (Dean's list), done great in my classes, learned a lot, LOVE my clinical site and everyone I work with, So...Matasha, chill out...life is not that hard...be positive, and take a minute to stop and smell the roses...




4 comments:

Zach and Tiffany said...

Tash you need to read "loving what is" by Katie Bryan (or however she spells her name). This book helped me so much with turning my thoughts around! Trust me, thoughts are what kills us. I know exactly how you're feeling and the stress of school doesn't make it better. But really, the book is awesome and makes you realize how powerful your thoughts are! By it for your e-reader :) its awesome!

Zach and Tiffany said...

Buy not by haha

Tiff said...

Goodness girlie!!! you are awesome!!! I think what you are doing and have done is AWESOME!!!! You will ROCK this next step in your education and be fantastic at it!!! So proud of you!!!! What a great example you are to your family and friends! Keep up the most amazing work and know that you are HUMAN!!!!

Camille said...

You need DR PEPPER- 1/2 Diet 1/2 not!!! :) You are doing GREAT my sweet daughter!!!! Its the overwhelming feeling that you have a lot to do that catches up with you! But HANG IN THERE!!! You ARE doing good, working hard, and being a WONDERFUL example to all around you! Including Jaiya! "After the hard work comes the many rewards and true feeling of accomplishment!" You're doing so good! I'm proud of you!!!!!!